What If You Just Stopped?

When you're grinding and going and not letting up, slowing down feels impossible. Stopping? Unthinkable. But sometimes, that's exactly what you need.

Almost a year ago, someone I love dearly was witnessing my relentless grind and asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks: “What if you just stopped? What if you did things that felt healthy? That made you feel good? That felt novel? That felt fun?”

As a hard-charging, non-stop doer, I knew with every cell of my being that that was exactly what I needed. 

I know how hard it is to slow down, let alone stop. But I gave myself permission to do that. I will admit this: It had not even occurred to me.

So, the very next day, I did. I grabbed a beach towel, found a grassy spot in the park, took off my shoes, grounded, and I watched the solar eclipse.

I squinted my eyes to shadows falling in curious ways.

I eavesdropped on kids giggling in delight.

I noticed my mouth stretching into a smile.

I looked on, (like the old Liberty Mutual Insurance commercial to the song Half Acre by Hem), as strangers did random acts of kindness for other strangers.

I marveled at the majesty of the black bird, and my heart jumped a little when the street lights flickered on in the middle of the day.

I wasn’t scrolling job boards, networking, inviting anyone for coffee or taking an online course. I simply woke up, worked out, and planned a day that felt enjoyable. A day that felt like living.

The hardest part? Giving myself permission to stop. But once I did, something shifted. 

I’m about to mix metaphors. Grinding and grinding only leaves you with dust. But stopping—even just for a day—can put the wind back in your sails. It did mine.

If you’ve been going non-stop, consider that this might be right for you: Stop the grind. Stop the burnout. Stop the shoulds. 

Give yourself permission to get out of your head and into the magnificence of the moment. 

Sometimes stopping is exactly what you need to replenish your energy, to spark creativity and to ‘remember the sun.’ (Remember the Sun is the title of a Pieta Brown track I’ve long adored.) Look it up. Then look up.

How a Starbucks Mix-up Sparked My Alter Ego

I’m at Starbucks placing my order. 

When the barista asks my name, I say it, but their repetition tells me they’ve heard it wrong.

Somewhere between my voice and their register, something gets lost—or perhaps something magical emerges.

Maybe it’s the Norah Jones or Aretha Franklin vibes in the air that transform “Stephanie” into “Mazda.”

Yes, Mazda.

I immediately think of Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce. Might Mazda be my own alter ego?

For a fleeting moment, I adore it—then, I crave an upgrade. Still, Mazda has a Z in it, and I like that.

When I share this with my friend, Naoko, she says, “It’s kind of a low-key power name.”

I agree.

About a month later, I return to the same Starbucks. It's colder now, and I’m wearing a green-and-white hand-knit beanie that my friend Melissa made for me. I may look different.

I greet the barista by name and ask if they remember me—Mazda. I catch a swirl of recognition—almond milk and coffee mixed with curiosity.

I remind them of our first Mazda moment. The lights flicker on and they remember.

They ask if I want “Stephanie” or “Mazda” on my cup. 

I do not dislike this question. So, I stay silent and smile conspiratorially.

See the photo reveal: they chose perfectly.

This got me thinking…

What if Starbucks' name-on-cup tradition evolved? What if baristas offered a choice: your real name or a superhero alter ego?

What name would you choose—or what name might choose you?

I know the idea has holes—go ahead, poke away. 

Maybe it’s been done. 

But imagine the fun.

A Short (Bittersweet) Love Story

She is petite, with bangs and a gray bob.  He’s tall, slim and gentlemanly.

They’re both attentive listeners. Eyes sparkling. Sincere. Curious.

One orders shrimp, the other chicken, as they sit close to one another.

“I’m 83,” she says. “I’m 85,” he adds. 

They’ve been together for about 10 years. 

“We met in the ICU waiting room,” she says.

 “Our spouses were both being cared for there,” he says.

“They died within three days of one another,” she says.

“Yes, three days,” he says.

"We bonded in our grief,” she says. “We’d get pizza and cry."

They both give a wan smile.

"And we’d share the stories of our departed,” he says.

“We both know everything about the other…”

She nods affirmatively, then her eyes are shining.

"Stories are a wonderful thing,” she says.

Five Things On A Monday

ONE — I’m in a cafe working today. A stranger just looked at me with total earnestness as he stood up to leave and said, "Have a great day." And it made my eyes well up a little as my face became hot and flush. I was reminded there is good in the world. Has this happened to you? Have you made it happen in another?

TWO — A friend said ‘I wish I had a bail button’ on some things she’s not sure she wants to do anymore. I laughed because I’d never heard this expression. Where in life do you wish you had a bail button?

THREE — Last year on Superbowl Sunday, I was delivering pizzas to Superbowl parties as an Uber Eats driver. This year we were invited to a great Superbowl party. Even if every problem in your life is not solved yet, can you find the blessings in the big bowl of life? Can you spot them in spite of life's pain and pressures? 

FOUR — On that topic, author Brad Stulberg said, “People think progress is linear but it’s not.” He said, “You’ve got to stay in the game long enough to break through inevitable plateaus…Commit to showing up. Keep going.” If the measuring tool for a win today is showing up, what’s one win you can make happen? 

FIVE — I’m working hard and believing in faith. Looking purely at how I’m showing up and what I’m putting out into the world, I believe I'll be in a much better place by this time next year. I have more faith now than I did a year ago while I was proudly delivering pizzas and doing what I could with what I had at the moment. How can you live in more faith as you work on yourself and toward improving your life?

High Alignment

If you’ve been here for a while with me, you may have noticed that when I write, I do so from the intersection of story and wellness.

I think today’s post sits right in the center of that intersection.

I have a question for you.

In your view, is alignment zero sum? As in, you’re aligned or not aligned.

Until recently, I would have answered yes. I would have said yes, you’re either aligned or you’re not.

I don’t speak fluent car, so I’m not drawing any muscle car metaphors here, as in wheels or auto body alignment. (Truth: I secretly wish I was able to put on a mechanic’s shirt — black with name in tan— and know enough to navigate under the hood of a car.)

I don’t speak fluent chiropractic either, so also no medical metaphors here. (Truth: I secretly wish I was able to work as a healer like chiropractors, yoga teachers and dance teachers do.)

Social, professional, emotional alignment is the kind I’m asking about. Is that kind of alignment zero sum? I no longer think the answer is yes. I think there are degrees of alignment. I no longer think of alignment as zero sum.

And it’s kind of freeing.

How It’s Freeing

Before thinking of it as something that could have degrees, I was feeling cognitive dissonance. Because it was unconscious, I felt regular anxiety and unease. That happened when I thought I was aligned with someone or something, but I sensed something was off, er, out of alignment. Not outright wrong. But not quite right either.

This was indirectly brought to a conscious level when I was listening to a speaker who described his cause and the cause of a group I’m part of as being in “high alignment.” His observation and choice of language stopped me a little. I immediately sensed he was right, and simultaneously sensed one of my own blind spots filling up with light.

Alignment can have an adjective? Really?

So I started running through areas of my life and asking:

Profession: Degree of alignment?

Relationships: Degree of alignment?

Goals: Degree of alignment?

Past mistakes: Degree of alignment?

Future successes: Degree of alignment?

I don’t wish for you perfect or even high alignment on every single thing in your life. 

I wish for you awareness of degrees because that awareness will guide you toward higher alignment in all things. Maybe, like me, you’ll feel like you just found a new nuanced setting on your inner compass.

Being who you are, you may have reached this knowing long ago. But if like me you’re just seeing this come to light now, I hope you find the notion of ‘degrees of alignment’ freeing too.

What Is Sanchin?

Have you ever felt stuck, unsure why you’re off balance or struggling? The concept of "sanchin" — meaning "three battles" — offers a powerful tool to help you find clarity. 

I discovered this idea while studying Goju Ryu style karate, but its lessons extend far beyond martial arts. Sanchin reveals two universal truths: we strive to unify body, mind, and spirit, and we constantly navigate battles with self, others, and our environment. Once you understand these battles, you can take control and move forward with purpose.

During my most intense training days, I saw these three battles play out in real time:

My late karate Sifu Cheung Shiu-kwong and me at the Hong Kong University dojo.

1. The Battle with Self: Some days, I was my own worst enemy. My body felt tired or injured, or my mind became my saboteur. Whether it was a lack of confidence, distractions from work, or personal struggles, I often found myself fighting against my own limitations. The broader question is: how often do we let our own motivation, discipline, or mindset hold us back?

2. The Battle with Others: On other days, my opponent became the greatest challenge. Even when my body was strong and my mind focused, the sheer skill or intensity of my sparring partner tested me. This mirrors life’s challenging relationships—whether it’s conflict, competition, or collaboration, other people can become our hardest battles.

3. The Battle with Environment: Then there were days when the environment was the real adversary. Training in a sweltering, non-air-conditioned room for hours pushed me to my limits. It wasn’t about winning or losing; it was about enduring. In life, our environment can either lift us up or drag us down. Is the space too noisy, quiet, toxic, or limiting? Are we surrounded by negativity or restrictive beliefs?

Sanchin isn’t just a martial arts practice; it’s a framework for life. When you feel off balance, ask yourself: Which battle am I facing? Is it with myself, someone else, or my surroundings? This simple question can guide you to the root of the problem and set you on the path to resolution.

The beauty of sanchin is its clarity and applicability. It reminds us that challenges are inevitable, but with the right mindset, we can face them with strength and purpose. By unifying your body, mind, and spirit, and identifying the battles you’re fighting, you’ll find the resilience and clarity to move forward.

Coda

When conducting interviews in a noisy dining car, we made time. Standing amidst the sun-baked wreckage of a hurricane, we made time. At the headquarters of a startup that sold for a cool billion, we made time. On every story, my colleagues and I follow one simple practice:

We always build in a little time.

Time for what?

Throughout my career gathering documentary-style interviews for stories featured on broadcasts including the Today Show, the Olympics and Innovation Nation, we’ve always ended shoots by recording about 30 seconds of “room tone.”

For those unfamiliar, room tone is the ambient sound captured to smooth audio transitions during editing. What it looks like in practice is everyone stands or sits silently on set and waits until the audio engineer says they’ve got what they need. The end of most interviews includes that small, silent coda.

Sometime during the pandemic, those 30 seconds transformed into something deeper.

This Was A Chance To Close Our Eyes, To Quiet Our Minds, And To Breathe. Together.

Over the years, I’ve watched people agonize a little during this half minute of silence. They study the ceiling, look at their feet or wiggle away the discomfort. It went like that for a long time until I started reframing that silence as an opportunity for a mini-meditation. 

It doesn't matter if the mood is high or low, silly or somber, this collective silence has power in it. When I’ve explained on set for the interviewees what we’re about to do, I let them know they can do as they wish with the silence, maybe even meditate. Almost everyone embraces the opportunity.

Try Being In Intentional Silence With A Group Of 5 To 25 People Sometime.

It’s an interesting study. It’s a little like an awkward elevator ride but with everyone facing each other, and without the elevator music — the kind where that big metal box groans out a yawn and you think it’s broken and nobody knows where to look so they avert their eyes while ears are alert for detection of strange noises or the ‘ding’ that prompts an exhale when you’ve reached your floor.

But close your eyes together, and inventors and grandmothers, athletes and entrepreneurs, curators or chefs all seem to savor the safe silence. 

Whether you work in classrooms, boardrooms, or on construction sites, taking even brief pauses for calm can yield measurable benefits. I wish I could tell you I had a metric for you from our shoots, but I don’t. I can tell you that upon opening our eyes after that little break together usually makes you want to take a nice deep breath, maybe even sigh.

Meditation reduces anxiety, promotes mental clarity and bolsters well-being. It transforms.

The next time you find yourself in a team meeting, workshop, or group setting, try carving out 30 seconds for intentional, collective silence. It could be at the beginning of a brainstorming session or in the middle of the day.

What you’ll likely find is a unifying force—a collective calm that strengthens bonds and sharpens minds. A moment of silence has always been a powerful connector and creates a sense of oneness. But use it as a coda not just a commemoration and I bet you’ll create a collective corner of calm.

Story: What Difference Does It Make?

Some may say a story is a dispensable sidebar to life. Some may say a story can’t house, feed or clothe anyone. But it can. What is every GoFundMe sharing? A story. Stories are the currency of connection; they ignite empathy, drive action, and foster resilience.

Even in the dark, devastating days of the Los Angeles fires, stories not only survive—they multiply.

A story is born when neighbors gather to salvage a doll, a book, or a bowl that survived the fire. A story is born when strangers cook meals or donate money. A story is born when a brave firefighter rescues your dog.

In your family, just as in business and leadership, stories carry weight. Stories connect us to our loved ones at home, and to our teams at work. In all cases, stories connect us to our community.

We need to remember that stories can heal and empower us too, while creating meaning in our lives.

Most of all, your family story is a record, a piece of history, an eternal contribution to your family legacy. And it makes all the difference in the world.

What Do We Do? (Part 2)

Knowing how to offer help when the scope of human, animal, structural, and plant devastation is as massive as what we are seeing with the Los Angeles fires can feel paralyzing. Our contributions can feel insignificant. They’re not. No act of genuine help is without value.

What do we do? We do as the boy did with the starfish.

We do as the hummingbird in the forest. 

Yesterday, I shared the story of the boy and the starfish. If you missed it, here’s a brief retelling: A boy walked along a beach littered with thousands of stranded starfish, throwing them back into the sea one by one. A man questioned his efforts, asking, “What difference will it make? There are so many starfish.” The boy responded, “It made a difference to that one.”

Today I’m adding another story that supports the truth that no true help is insignificant. This one is about a hummingbird. My friend shared it with me and it comes from an African parable by Wangari Maathai. She is a Kenyan environmentalist who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2004. 

A great forest is burning while all the animals stand around wondering what to do. The elephant, the hippo, the lions … all of the most powerful animals. 

Meanwhile, a hummingbird buzzes by their heads carrying a single drop of water in her beak. She flies to the fire and releases it onto the blaze.

The giraffe laughs, and the rhino shakes his head. 

“You’re too small! What are you doing, tiny one?” they all scoff.

The hummingbird replies, “I’m doing the best I can,” as she buzzes away to get another drop of water. And with that, they get to work.

The story about the boy and starfish, and the story about the hummingbird in the forest share the same call to action. And they echo the beloved Margaret Mead quote which has longevity because it contains truth: 

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”

The way each of us can contribute is ours alone, shaped by our unique abilities and perspectives. And maybe we need to be reminded that we can make a difference. We can ease suffering. And our acts, tiny or mountainous, will ripple outward in ways we may never fully see.

When Stories Are Tragic, What Do We Do?

When someone is experiencing disaster or tragedy, as with the devastating Los Angeles fires, the scale of destruction can make individual efforts feel insignificant. 

But I’m reminded of the story of the boy and the starfish and the profound difference one person can make.

He made a difference by throwing starfish back into the sea one by one. When asked what difference it made when there were thousands of starfish on the beach, he said, "It made a difference to that one."

While we can’t save a home or heal every hurt or heart, small acts of kindness—donating supplies, offering shelter, bringing food to a fire house or donating a dollar if that’s what you can spare —can transform lives.  Maybe your gift is bringing joy, sharing your art, your song.

For the starfish tossed back into the ocean, the boy’s action meant everything. Even if he couldn’t help every single one, he did what he could, one by one.  In times of crisis, even the smallest gesture has the power to restore hope. Together, these acts ripple outward, proving that each of us can make a difference. A friend with a front row seat to the devastation said to me today, “The beauty will come as people unite and support each other.”

Yes. And it’s already beginning.

I’m praying for everyone in Los Angeles whose lives and personal stories are forever transformed by this tragedy. For so many lifelong Angelenos, their childhood landmarks are gone - their school, their place of worship, their safe space, their home. May we support one another in lightening the burden for our neighbors near and far.

One thing I know for sure is that one day… with resilience… rebuilding, rebirth and renewal will happen. Each and every person will write brand new chapters in their life story. But for now, our prayers and love and unending support are with each and every hurting heart.