When we die, if we’re fortunate, we’ll have people in our lives who wish to hold a funeral, a home going, a farewell gathering to celebrate our life. There may be a eulogy or several eulogies. It will be story time. We just won’t be there for it.
So how can thinking about our own eulogy be life-affirming and energizing in the now? It can be life-affirming because in going through the exercise of writing your own eulogy, you may answer for yourself society’s favorite question: “What do you want to be?” and more importantly, a personal and, I believe, relevant question: “Who do I want to be?”
As I blink the computer blur from my eyes, I squint past a row of cafe tables to the palms moving against a pale gray sky, and I sense a hint of jasmine.
Our lives are now. Right now. This is our time. The scent of jasmine is gone as quickly as it arrived. The clouds are a little different now.
I tend toward worry and hyper vigilance, but that can be paralyzing. I fight it every day so that I can enjoy life, be present, listen and be intentional. I try to keep front of mind the fact that if we want to be or do something in this life, we may also need to increase our sense of urgency. This is that oxymoronic “slow down to speed up" idea again.
I want each of us to savor life’s moments. The ones when we enjoy nature’s scented gifts, relish a revitalizing hike with loved ones, hug a family member or friend, and laugh at the goofy freedom of a pet pooch.
I want each of us to feel like we’ve loved ourselves and others well and made the people in our life feel seen, heard and appreciated. I don’t believe we need to gesture figure-eights with sparkling magic wands to love others well. To start with, just showing up means a lot.
I want each of us to work. I’ve always loved this quote from actor Alan Alda: "You can't get there by bus, only by hard work and risk and by not quite knowing what you're doing. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself.” Work brings us a sense of pride and purpose.
I want each of us to create. I want us to be active and embrace the joy of movement and action. I want us to use our body, mind and heart to move us into a higher vibration.
And all of this brings me back to the topic of a eulogy (and specifically your own eulogy): All of those wants listed above have value. I think we all could do ourselves much good by visiting the idea of our own prospective eulogy as a way to stop, reflect and project.
We can’t control how others will feel about us or what others may say. Not now, not ever. But we can try to manage our life and our reactions to the hand that life deals us so that when it’s done, we can rest easy in the knowing we did our best. Even if only for one day.
I think checking in with ourselves and inspecting how we’ve lived our life up until now can give us direction and illuminate paths where we might do well to consider course correction.
If you, like me, are going through a life change or challenge right now, could there be value in writing a great outcome to this, then aiming to live it? Yes. I think so.
I’m not the first to think about eulogy as a compass or a map. Full books and courses have been created around the subject. Author David Brooks asked in his TED Talk, “Should you live for your resume… or your eulogy?”
What harm could come from writing down the things we’ve done right or done well up to this point? And what harm could come in writing some good things we’d like to see happen going forward?
Too much of what we consume today on social media is a beatdown. A chorus of: “You’re not enough.”
The things we’ve done well or right could be anything from being the first to offer a smile to a stranger, to earning a degree, to being a good listener, to forgiving, to raising your children, to being quick with a friendly laugh, to breaking through a barrier, to not giving up on your goals or on yourself.
Then cast your eyes ahead. Map your future. Who would you like to be before your time is up?
I’m working on creating a workshop experience where we can consider our lives, celebrate what we’re proud of, and map out the things we’d still like to make happen. This type of exercise is the opposite of a beatdown. It’s a bounce, a springboard.
I want to offer what I have coined You-logy workshops. There, you have space to focus on you for a minute, focus on what you need and what you want, and focus on what you’re willing to do to get it or be it.
You-logy work is a way to see yourself and celebrate who you’ve been. And like a eulogy, it’s mostly a celebration, no matter how many mistakes you think you’ve made. There’s a lot of good in the life you’re living.
You-logy work is a way to move the molecules around inside you to remember the dreams you may have set aside. There is always something there.
You-logy work is a way to raise your vibration and vision board your future with words.
I wonder, could you see the merit in the exercise of writing your own eulogy?
Would you potentially be interested in participating in a You-logy workshop? If so, please comment “interested” in the comments section, or for subscribers, you can email me your thoughts directly.