After writing on the topic of getting ultra intentional about family story sharing this holiday season, a friend of mine called to say she and her family plan to do it. They’re moving into a new home, and this will be their first holiday season spent there. To make it extra special, they’re going to make story exchange their gift exchange. I think that’s rich. And budget-friendly too.
If you’ve been giving this some consideration, here are a few ideas to guide the story sharing experience.
Communicate in advance. Prior to your get-together, give others a chance to put on their thinking caps. Let your loved ones know your intention of sharing stories. Frame it up as an occasion to share family heritage about people who have already passed and to learn fun details about the lives of those you’ll share a table with this year. This isn’t a contest or interrogation. It’s an opportunity to share well, love well, and listen well.
Set a timer. Having a timer will help guide a long-winded relative to share the long story short. You want to make sure there is room enough for everyone to share and for energy to remain high. This is also why communicating in advance is helpful.
Help each other. If you’re having difficulty thinking of something to share, try passing around a notepad. Have a page for each attendee on which other family members can write questions if they like. Maybe you want to know more about the interests your grandma had as a young lady. You can ask. Maybe you don’t know much about your 8 year old nephew. Here’s a perfect chance to find out what he enjoys and cares about.
Think in blocks. If you go blank every time someone asks your favorite book or movie, it may help you to think in categories. You’ll likely discover some good questions this way. Here are some examples: 1) Decade blocks. What significant things happened in your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc? 2) Geographic blocks. What was your life like when you lived in each of the places you have lived? 3) Interest blocks. Think about relevant details that mattered to you when you participated in your favorite activities — skating, sewing, playing music. How did you get started? Why did you love it? Why did you stop? 4) Relationship blocks. Who was a formative friend group or person in your life that others might not know about? A favorite teacher? 5) Favorite blocks. (It’s worth a try). What are your favorite songs, books, colors, places, etc? 6) Growth blocks. When did you experience a coming alive? Describe a time in your life when you felt significant personal growth or change.
Set expectations. Establish from the start that this is a safe space. No one is there to judge or to harm. Make a commitment as you set expectations that everyone will be an attentive and compassionate listener. There may be some emotions that come up — and that may be a cathartic thing. If things are hard, support each other. And if things are funny, by all means embrace the hilarious.
Perhaps you think your family won’t go for it. Well, you can still foster an atmosphere of storytelling through your curious, caring spirit and the easy way you show interest in others. You can give the gift of making every single person feel seen, heard and valued this season.
Would you like more ideas? Let me know in the comments.